"Some call it a six-pack, I call it a support group"

"The poor folks in Texas won't be celebrating Thanksgiving this year, they sent their turkey to Washington"

"I fucked your momma!!! (underneath) "Go home dad, you're drunk!"

"Lana Turner backwards is 'Anal Renrut'"

Captain Hook died of jock itch.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

We iz the boyz from Illinoiz
We livez in cavez and ditchez
We wipez our assez with broken glassez
And laugh because it itchez

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said, "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says, "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No, those are deer tracks", the first one argued back. They kept arguing and a half an hour later they were both run over by a train."

When men talk dirty to women, it's sexual harrasment. When women talk dirty to men, it's $3.95 for the first minute and $2.95 for each additional minute.

The closest we come to perfection is when we write our resumes.

(In front of a urinal) As I stand here, I realize that I don't buy beer, I just rent it for a while.

Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

My wife says I have a drinking problem...I think I'm good at it!

I want either less corruption, or more chances to participate in it.

A fool and his money are soon partying!

Black holes are where God divided by zero

Vodka + Orange Juice + Milk of magnesia = Phillips screwdriver

If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost!

God is love.
Love is blind.
Ray Charles is blind.
Ray Charles is God!

If life is a waste of life, and time is a waste of life, let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives!

(Above urinal) As a college student, this is the only place where I know what I'm doing.

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.

To do is to be. -- Rene Descartes
To be is to do. -- John Stuart Mill
Do be do be do. -- Frank Sinatra

Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry.

Women of the world!!!
Rise from the beds of your oppressors!!!
...and go make some breakfast.

In college, the closest I came to a 4.0 was my blood alchohol level.

God is dead. --Steve
Steve is dead. --God

My karma ran over your dogma!

This toilet paper is like John Wayne...rough and tough and don't take no shit from nobody!

(on condom machine) For refund, insert baby here.

Save the whales! Collect the whole set!

Our aim is to keep this bathroom clean. Your aim will help.

Dyslexics of the world, Untie!!!

Jesus is coming.
(underneath)Quick! Everyone look busy!

Here's to life, being single, seeing double and sleeping triple!

There is no such thing as gravity. The earth just sucks.

Easter has been cancelled. They found the body.